This time I won't be asking the question though, I'll be answering it!
The question is simply: Why am I doing what I'm doing?
A very basic thing and yet something I could never really answer.
I might not be able to answer it sufficiently yet either, but I think I at least found some kind of proposal for a solution.
Quite simply, the reason why I'm doing things seems to be one of self-worth. I believe that, simply by doing things, I'll gain some kind of value. How well I finish my tasks and how much reception they get from others indicates how much worth I am. Obviously, this requires me to do as many things as I can, as good as I can and as quickly as I can.
This establishment of self-worth does have some wide effects though. For example, it means that I automatically assume that people will judge me on it, even if I am the only one with an idea of this value. The result of this is that I assume people will think well/badly of me, even if they don't. Pulling this further also shows that I anticipate this reaction of people and am quickly disappointed by the lack of response towards what I'm doing.
This expectation can only lead to a bad mood on the long run, mainly because I know that I work a huge lot, but I also don't get very much response for what I'm doing. This is normal. And it's bad of me to think that I should somehow receive more attention than anyone else.
Still, it seems to be a necessity dictated by the way I do things. I'm not sure if there's a way for me to avoid this or not, but it would sure be nice if I didn't depend on getting attention from others as much.
Same with this blog entry obviously. I expect people to respond to it, since I've put effort into writing it, but most likely I won't get anything.
The danger in this is that with no response I think that nobody even read it, which isn't true either. 90%(±9%) of the people will read something but not respond to it, so with a tiny readership I really shouldn't be as snooty as to expect responses.
So I won't.
I'll just put this out here for... whoever gives a shit about shit nobody cares about.
Maybe I can bring out a blog post of actual value next week once the finals are over.
How about some more of that XHTML/CSS tutorial? Yeah that'd work I suppose.
At least people read that.
And there I go again.